You Mad, Bro?

Hello, my wonderful fruit snacks!

Bet you weren’t expecting a post so soon, were you?

If you should know one thing, its that I do not go by any sort of standards on this thing. These posts are totally rando and you can never expect when they may just pop up.
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I am writing today to address an issue that has plagued me for a long time.

My tendency to rage.

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(not that kind of rage)

More along the lines of this.
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I have since evolved from my school age tendencies to bite others and smack a classmate’s applesauce on the floor and learned to control my emotions.

But guys, there are some days that almost drive me back into those dark times. If it was not an immediately fireable offense, I know for a fact I would throw my supervisor’s applesauce on the floor and scream “That’s for pushing me down the wet slide and telling Billy I peed my pants!!!

I seriously had the type of day today that would have landed that story into the embarrassing reality of a police report.
What about my life could be that bad to send me in such fits of rage?

Well, nothing life-alteringly terrible. All in all, I have a life better than most. And most of these things that settle inside me are a whole lotta FWP’s… but they still are the epitome of TEH SUCK.

Let me express myself about some of these triggers I face in my life (before bad things happen). In THINGS THAT MAKE ME RAGE

First and foremost, I just want to express a common source of rage: video games. Although, I have not played some of these in a while, you can hopefully understand what the general tone will be for the remainder of the post.

-Cause of Rage:
Kingdom Hearts Bonus Villains

 

 

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Big Ben? More like Big PAIN-IN-THE-EVERLOVING-ASS

 

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Even though you aren’t required to defeat neither Sephiroth or the Big Ben Phantom in order to complete the story, that just makes the frustration all too real. It’s as if they know I can’t beat them, so they sit in their hidey-holes, knowing I cannot revel in my game victory until I smite them upon the grounds of Hollow Bastion.

•Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
Stagecoach racing in Red Dead Redemption.

I love this game, I really do. It captures the Old West in a really cool way. Also, the action controls are very authentic.

That’s the problem. Steering a stagecoach and trying to turn a team of horses around is hard as shit. While you’re stuck trying to deal with this realistic problem, you usually get murdered by a band of smelly outlaws, or mauled my a passerby cougar. The Old West is hard.

•Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
A certain beloved show (c’mon you guys should know this by now) changing up a bunch of stuff from a certain even more beloved book series. (In case you’re confused… Game of Thrones, #getOnMyLevel).

• Level of Rage

NIGHT'S KING?!?! That was meant for book 6 or later! Now it's ALL ruined!!

NIGHT’S KING?!?!
That was meant for book 6 or later!
Now it’s ALL ruined!!

 

The rage of a show/movie completely effing up its book counterpart is a rage I have endured many a time, yet each stray step away from the books is just as painful as ever.
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– Cause of Rage:
Shows getting rid of enjoyable characters.

Mad Men, which is but a mere shadow of its former self, has not shown one of my favorite side characters in a while.
Miss Trudy Campbell, the person who put all of her hopes and dreams into the hands of this skeeze:
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Only to have him inevitably ruin her beautiful life!
Once the imminent demise of their doomed marriage came to pass, I was certain they’d have all sorts of plot concepts for the newly freed Trudy, and what did they deliver? Zilch.

• Level of Rage:
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FYI, Pete-MOFO-Campbell, if you happen to be reading this, hope you thought it was worth it to cheat on this:

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So THAT’S what she’s been up to.
You do you, girl!

 

Another show to commit this terrible crime is Glee.

A show which has massively decreased in a quality that wasn’t all that high in the first place, is rumored to have canned its arguably best character (sorry Rachel). Santana Lopez was/is the only reason I have stuck with this sinking ship, and now it is my time to escape.

•Level of Rage:

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-Cause of Rage:
Shows turning into horrible awful train wrecks you cannot peel your eyes away from, and remain watching them out of a sick, masochistic, duty to pop-culture.

…there are too many shows that fit this category.

• Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
Nefarious pickle jars… or other hard-to-access vittles.

CHIP RAAAAGE!!

CHIP RAAAAGE!!

Yes, it took me a week to open a damn jar of pickles. Go ahead, laugh. See where it gets you.
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•Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
Derpy, yet maddeningly persistent cowlick on the back of my head.
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The devious bastard seems to sprout at very inopportune moments, and no amount of coaxing will tame the wild menace.
Special thanks to all of you people who repeatedly inform me when this occurs…
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(as if I didn’t already know!)

•Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
“Happy” By Pharell Williams.

I don’t need to post a video. I don’t want to post a video. This song makes me feel many things, but ‘happy’ is not one of them.

•Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
The Chicago Blackhawks.
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Ever the hurdle the Minnesota Wild just. can’t. seem. to. overcome. We are still not out of the running for this year’s playoffs yet, but so far the outlook seems to be repeating its drear history.

Seriously Chicago, can’t you just give us this win? We are the State of Hockey. If anyone deserves the Stanley Cup, it’s us.

•Level of Rage

HAAAAAAWKS!!!

HAAAAAAWKS!!!

 

-Cause of Rage:
Getting shamed for enjoying red meat.
Carmella being coy with steak bone in mouth
Or Hipsters shaming me in general.

Look, I get it. I really do. But popular stuff is sometimes popular for a reason.

And. You. Can. Not. Keep. Me. From. Red. Meat.

Sure as shit, I will sniff out the blood of thine bovine enemies.

Sure as shit, I will sniff out the blood of thine bovine enemies.

 

•Level of Rage:

And don't try to pass off any of that 'Blood Orange' meat off on me. So pretentious.

And don’t try to pass off any of that ‘Blood Orange’ meat off on me.
So pretentious.

 

– Cause of Rage:
When people ask if I’m seeing ‘anyone special’.
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I know the oodles and oodles of caring (read: nosy) people out there are trying to help, but this question infuriates me, no matter how often it rears its head. The frequency definitely adds to the frustration because I am running out of ways to avoid the inquiry.

Hey! Look over there! Beautiful flowers!!

Hey! Look over there!
Beautiful flowers!!

 

•Level of Rage:
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-Cause of Rage:
Similar people trying to fix me up with someone.

This mainly happens at work. Just when I think I’ve dodged the previous question, they get the notion that I need further assistance in the matter and suggest some ‘swell fellows’.
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Not to sound like a jerk, but some of these menu recommendations have to be seen to be believed.

Actually, most are perfectly non-mutant looking humans, they’re just not my type. Which makes it difficult to decline these offers in a nice way.

• Level of Awkward:
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•Level of Rage:
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But while that (and many more personal things) all boils within me, I still manage to find relief by swaying to Enya music, cracking open a cold bottle of Leine’s, and writing a narcissistic vent-blog about it!

Cheers, Muchachos!

Cheers, Muchachos!

 

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