Summertime Sadness: A Reflection on My Dating Life

This is sorta awkward guys. I know it’s been a while. I know you may be coping with some abandonment issues. I know I am grossly overestimating how much people actually like this blog. But, explanations will be given anyways.It’s summer everyone! It means festivals, friends, beach, outside, ice cream, copious thigh sweat, and ant infestations.

I’m not even going to pretend to care what you foolish mortals have done with your spare time, but I have been up to quite a bit.

For one: IT’s Summer! I’ve been enjoying the pleasant weather. And by that I mean “FUCKING CONSTANT BARRAGE OF RAIN” Seriously though. It’s excessive. We now have 20,000 lakes. In times like these I still try to keep a positive outlook on the situation.

Besides, we all know if it was over 75 degrees, my summer would pretty much wind up like this:

But yes, outdoors. I have committed numerous outdoor acts in the recent months.

I went camping! It was wonderful and only had a max of three parasitic organisms draining me of my life-force. No, I was not attacked by ticks or mosquitos draining me of my blood. The parasites in question were my lovely  nieces* and the aforementioned life-force happens to be 4g service on my cell phone. So, like the terrible people we all were, we spent each night binge-watching Adventure Time rather than ‘becoming one with nature’ or some sentimental crap like that.

*I seriously never would insult my nieces on a public platform. Any seemingly negative qualities I may attribute to them are only ones I myself would be equally guilty of. I most likely taught them terrible things :-).

There was still plenty of fun to be had outdoors. We went kite flying! Which, apparently becomes hard as Satanic Hell when you pass the age of 18.

This is what happens when you Google: 'Kite Fail' btw. (Accurate Depiction)

This is what happens when you Google: ‘Kite Fail’ btw.
(Accurate Depiction)

If camping will always be like that wonderful weekend, then count me in for more!

Hmm. What else was done in the dreadful outdoors? Ah yes, training for my first 5K. It is coming along quite fast (in one week) and have recently discovered shocking new developments that have led me to drastically change my preparations.

All that time. Spent in outdoor Tiki Bars.... spent for naught.

All that time. Spent in outdoor Tiki Bars…. spent for naught.


I also have been driving profusely to visit friends and family, setting stuff on fire, and some other outdoorsy stuff. If you really wanna know what I all did outside, just check out my Instagram. As a true Millennial, I can’t possibly let my mediocre adventures go undocumented.

Okay. Let’s see. Now for indoor activities…

oh yeah, of course.

I watched ALL episodes of Orange Is The New Black in one sitting. I’m not even regretting it. I’m not even sorry. That show just has some sort of effect on me.

Okay no, not THAT effect. C'mon guys. That's what Fan-Fic is for...

Okay no, not THAT effect.
C’mon guys. That’s what Fan-Fic is for…

But no. Somehow I made it through ALL THE EPISODES. And wound up in a mind-blown haze of wonder and bewilderment.



Did I realize the abject horror one person [Vee] could unleash upon the inmates?
Absolutely not.

Did I realize that the superb writing would shake my own self-filled backstories to the core and change how I perceived seemingly harmless characters [Morello]?
No way!

Did I really think I could possibly find new character favorites [POUSSEY!!] in the midsts of one of the strongest ensembles on television?

So yeah. Season 2 was pure brilliance. Moving on.

So guys, the real reason I’ve taken to slacker-status on my blogging is because I’ve made another venture out in the realm of dating. I take breaks from dating because 1. I am too freaking awkward 2. It gets physically and mentally exhausting trying to switch that off to impress someone. 3. I usually have to drain that preciously finite energy from other sources, ie: the delightfully cliche pun-making, gif-herding, and meta self-depreciation that comprises this ‘blog’.

But yes. I am ready again. Let us hope this attempt is much different than other times. Well, actually it is. Way different. But I maybe will extrapolate on that all one fine day.

Anyways. Explanations, yeah? You see, normally when I get back on a dating kick, I now result to a no-shame beeline for online dating. Getting to type a fully contrived persona before meeting someone? My confidence exudes as follows:

It's going dowwwn.  I'm yelling "TINDERRRRR!!"""

It’s going dowwwn.
I’m yelling “TINDERRRRR!!”


However, since this dating venture is super drastically different in ways unknown to some and possibly obvious to others, I did not make a beeline to such methods.

Somehow, miraculously, I have still met a few people. Some have been a tad underwhelming and have clearly NOT read the guidelines I listed in a potential mate.

Some of these potential people have been quite wonderful. But then I screw it up. Before you try to accept my pity-party invitation, please know that the statement is scathingly true. I am awkward as shit and it seriously gets in the way.

Seriously, let me paint you a picture of some of my bloopers that send the others running.

– Discussing the fact that I came up with my own ‘sexy’ choreography to the Disney song, ‘Be Prepared’ (Scar’s song).

In my defense… How could you NOT?

– Explaining the Socialist implications of how game boosts are given in Mario Kart.

– Revealing that my love of pickles has conditioned me in a Pavlovian (yes I actually said Pavlovian) way to legitimately begin drooling when I see a pickle jar.

-Making creepily early references to any sort of romantic connection on a public blog.

Now, there are plenty more dumb errors I have made. It has led to some people understandably exiting the situation. It has also left some remaining stragglers.

Just in time for stage 2!

Now, sensibly, if someone puts up with those initial ridiculous shenanigans, I would realize they are actually sorta interested and you know, chill?

Absolutely freaking NOT.

Absolutely freaking NOT.

You see, now is the time that I hold unnaturally deep conversations with people. Just words. All the time.

It begins innocently. It really does. You see guys, I cannot just have a purely physical connection with someone. They need them a purdy brain before they can be ready for this Jelly. It can still wind up being a somewhat ‘casual’ relationship thing with that person.

It just unfortunately seems like I am trying to ‘wife the shit outta them’ (actual statement I’ve heard). That is not the case, however.

I have decided that it breaks down to this: You know how some people can casually throw around their kitty?

Or some wait until marriage. Whatever you do is fine! As long as you do you!

Or some wait until marriage. Whatever you do is fine! As long as you do you!

Well I can respect and understand those women who just wanna casually throw around their kitty as long they’re safe, consenting, happy, etc, awesome! But I am just NOT one of those girls.

Instead of casually throwing my kitty, I casually throw around my soul and personality. I get a real joy out of making a connection with someone. It fulfills me just like that. It doesn’t always need to escalate. It doesn’t need to evolve into a lofty-label. It doesn’t mean I am planning the names of our unborn.

It simply means this: I am connecting with you on a deeper level than the general public, and I am enjoying the CURRENT MOMENT of it all. The ONLY implication this will give of future events is of potential kitty-throwing.

TL;DR: I’m not trying to be a wife here. I’m just a weirdo that still needs an emotional connection even in more casual relationships.

If you fools seriously thought I explained this to my dates and cleared the confusion, GTFO. You have clearly not grasped my eloquent depiction of my inherent ability NOT to simplify things.

Instead of keeping it simple and open, I just babbled. More. And more. And more. And when confronted with my completely unsexy tendency to babble, I simply began backpedalling. Instead of the proper route which is: ‘Chill the Fuck out’ I just kept up with the word vomit. Eventually all my words became a revolting clusterfuck.

So much so, I’ve taken to calling the whole phenomenon RAT KINGDon’t know what that is? Well, Google it. I’ll wait here.. because it’s absolutely disgusting. Which is precisely how I feel about my antics when I screw things up like this.

So naturally, I have had the inevitable “We should just be friends” statement thrown my way. It sucks. But I get it. I really need to do an overhaul here.

I have a lesson throughout all of this, folks. Stop overthinking. Stop trying to rationalize and talk your way through things that really SHOULDN’T be rationalized. Just do. Just be. Just live. You’re going to get a lot more respect and happiness that way. If not from others, then definitely from yourself.




*Warning* Some swears and mature themes*

Hello people.

This will be my attempt at my first blog not inspired by some sort of school project or fluff for my resume. I will begin by telling you a little bit about myself. If you care to know more check out the About Me page. I may or may not have it filled with info at the time this is published, but stay tuned. If you are really that curious, feel free to contact me with questions/concerns.

Well let me first say that I am as Icona Pop so eloquently coined, a “90s Bitch” I grew up with arguably the best cartoons, Disney movies, toys (real toys, no handheld computer devices) and clothing a girl could ask for. I would include music but it is a close second to 60s music.

As the youngest in a large family I was raised by a confusing cocktail of high amounts of praise and a relatively hands-off parenting approach. Once my parents saw how much more incredibly lame I was than my older siblings (I was the type of kid who got in trouble for staying up all night reading a book) they usually left me to my own devices.

Which went a little something like this:Image

I am, by all accounts, a Millennial, or a Gen-Y child. I currently fit so many categories of this generation. First off, I am writing a blog generally about how I feel about stuff…. Maybe important, but most likely not. Important or not, I feel this deep-seeded scummy urge to clue everyone in on it. You will listen to me dang-nabbit! You may be a complete stranger; get me in a room with you to talk in person then I am more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

As for more cookie-cutter Gen-Y traits: I have a smart phone (iPhone) my preferred method of contact is texting, I have two part-time jobs, and am currently living at home. I am a college graduate still under my parent’s health insurance plan. I enjoy and understand memes for the most part. (With the internet there is always some WTF factor) I use abbreviations such as WTF, OMG, TTYL, STFU, etc… (etc isn’t an intentional abbreviation in that category…) I am guilty of taking pictures of myself and of my food. I measure my life in meaningless ways like how many movie references I can make (the more obscure the better), how ironic my tshirt is, how many likes my Facebook status gets, and how many texts I receive in a day.

In a fit of pure Gen-Y-ness I feel the need to clue you into my random personality by giving you a sampling of ten songs randomly playing on my iTunes library.

  1. Kernkraft 400 – Zombie Nation
  2. Free Ride – Edgar Winter
  3. Cruise – Florida Georgia Line
  4. Home To Me – Charlie Roth (check this guy out! I know him personally, he is a pretty awesome fellow)
  5. Beech Spring – Dan Corollo
  6. Breezeblocks – Alt-J
  7. Dog Days Are Over – Florence + The Machine
  8. Creep – TLC
  9. Mad As Rabbits – Panic At The Disco
  10. What’d I Say, Parts 1&2 – Ray Charles

I am also listening to a fun little podcast, Walking in Circles by a friend and fellow Gen-Y’er.

Now I really don’t know what that random sampling says about me, but as a Millennial, I don’t really need a reason before I go ahead and post. Methinks I will make that little random song blurb a regular aspect of my blog.

Anyways, I am sure by now I have beaten the “I am a Millennial” horse to glue, and surely you are asking yourself, “But Gen-Y are you continually mentioning this theme?”Image

Well, I have read an article in Time Magazine outlining Gen-Y and it’s negative impact on society. (The author throws in some positive attributes, but the tone is generally condescending and bitter.) To spare the effort of summarizing (I am a lazy Millennial after all, and most readers of this blog are lazy Millennials as well) I will provide the link to the article here.

Ok have you read it? If not, for shame… you’ll have to rely on old fashioned context from here on out. For those of you who have read this let’s go on a little journey with some of the qualms (who said we don’t read books?) Actually TBH I learned that word from an amazing childhood show known as Hey Arnold.

Anywhoodles, some flaws in this article.

First off: When article author Joel Stein mentions Millennials, he is referring to all people born between the years of 1980-2000. Now I know someone born in the early 80s very well, I have a sister born in 1983 and I can say with relative certainty that she does not fit the traits of a typical Millennial, which is not a bad thing by any means.

Another problem I have with this article is the downright snarky jabs he makes to my generation, my generation baby…. Now I was raised on the internet and I know not to feed the Trolls by taking them seriously and getting all offended, but when it is published on a nationally acclaimed magazine read by all generations, even those lacking in the regular use of sarcasm, it can convey the wrong message.

Which happens to be that we are just a bunch of lazy parasitic narcissists.

Now while the narcissistic comment holds some truth. (Honestly, #selfiesunday?) I get a little bitter with the “parasitic and lazy” comments. In an attempt to debunk the negative stigma of the perceived lazy parasitic nature of my people, (and cash in on another chance to be narcissistic) I shall regale you with a little tale of my life.

My childhood was as typical in the sense that it was quite hectic at times. I was more introverted. I got picked on, like most kids. The television played a large role in raising me and one of the most frequented messages I got from the golden age of kiddy shows and disney movies was to love being yourself and eventually people will love you too. Even though I knew I was a weirdo and a nerd (I got reminded frequently) I knew that it was essentially who I truly was and I had to become happy with it. *poof* Narcissism.

I also received high praise from my family for my achievements in early academia. As well as most of my classmates. There were all sorts of electives geared towards students finding enjoyment out of studies. We certainly weren’t brought up in the “Shut up and learn!” age. When a whole generation is brought up with the idea that “we can grow up to do whatever we want” It can create a skewed world view.

Anyways, I graduated with the idea that I was smart enough to do anything, I just didn’t feel like being a doctor at that moment. (pretentious huh?) So I ended up getting into something relatively useless (depending on who you ask) Graphic Design. Well went to college, got some knowledge (of how to perfect the master art of procrastination and how to invent a bitchin’ drinking game) and then graduated bright-eyed and bushy tailed, waiting for my dream job to fall in my lap.

Welp, that didn’t so much happen. Yes, Joel Stein, I did feel entitled to have a job handed to me, because from as long as I remember, I had it drilled into my young play-doughy (or Gak for all you 90s kids!) brain that I was special and I was going to get my dream job. Not find my dream job, not work towards my dream job, but get it, as if a magical blue genie voiced by a lovable comedic actor would *poof* it into my lap. Anyways… suffice it to say that my gilded sense of entitlement was shot in the foot from my first month of my career search.

I will now summarize two years after my college with a handy little diorama:Imageyeah…

Well, on the plus side. I currently have a job in my field, Yay! But it is only a part-time, minimum wage job. Oh well.Image

Now this job also happens to be a far distance (70 miles) from my other job. And while that may not make sense, I am currently camping back at home while I search for another closer job and affordable housing. Which in a metropolitan area is somewhat of a joke unless you are ok with living in sketchy neighborhoods or with complete strangers (most live with friends but I am not lucky to have many in the metro area [refer to earlier statements about unpopularity] ) Since I am stuck at home in a sensible step while I figure out my next step, I am tacked with a lousy stigma that I am not amounting to anything.

The article also pleasantly points out that I am living a parasitic lifestyle. I am living rent-free and under my parents health care plan with an expensive phone and computer, and despite all my woes of being poor, I still manage to scrape enough money to pay for an expensive high speed internet service. What a Hypocrite I am!

Ok Joel Stein, Imma let you finish but I have one of the greatest rebuttals of all time. Let me break it down for you (d-d-d-d-drop the BASS!)

As far as the health insurance thing goes, finding a job with an affordable healthcare plan is about as rare as finding a unicorn or a Magical Leopluridon… bet you guys haven’t watched that in a while 🙂 In order not to become too political, I don’t want to expand much more on that.

As far as my expensive devices go, I actually need them in this current job market. While I am searching for a job, especially one in the design field, it is imperative that I maintain a constant stream of connection. As far as all of the useless things I do on my phone or computer, naturally our generation makes the unspoken requirement having to maintain a constant network fun with all sorts of games, sites, cats, apps, and whiz-bits.


Old Economy Steven, ladies and gents.

As materialistic, narcissistic, and parasitic as we seem to be, we are in the generation of unpaid internships, record high rates of volunteering towards causes that are of a global concern, high voter turnout, and thrifty people.

To sum it up, while we may have our faults… *cough*YOLOSWAGers*cough* We have lots of attributes. We have an undeniable optimism (most of us never grasped the full weight of how hard the great recession was.) We made our economic struggles cool, by popularizing the thrifty lifestyle. We made helping others and acceptance cool by making it a priority to accept all cultures and exercise empathy before judgement upon others. All we ask is that you other generations do the same for us. Try to look at our lives through our eyes. We are not saying we have it harder than you, we are just saying that each generation has its own ups and downs.

To all of you that made it through that long ramble, Congratulations, YOU WON! 😀

Until next time!