Hello my Dino-Nuggets!
I don’t know about you, but the last couple of weeks have been DAUNTING. Work really did a number on me. I got a letter back from the state saying I was mistaken on my tax return, and now OWE money. Game of Thrones won’t be on this weekend!! Really terrible stuff.
In order to fill up my time normally spent anticipating/watching/reviewing/obsessing over the show, I now have some time to write…
about Game Of Thrones.
I will prove to you all how great this show is by having a
TELEVISION DEATH MATCH SPECTACULAR-MANIA 26!!!
Without further adoo…
Broody bastard that could melt The Wall with his smolder…. Jon Snow.
Broody law enforcement man who could stop a horde dead in their tracks with his… personality?….Rick Grimes
[The Walking Dead]
Hmm.. both are reluctant leaders constantly faced with the looming threat of an Undead army. Both lack a massive emotional range/interesting storyline (at least compared to their costars), yet still attract massive support of the fandoms.
I’d have to give the win to Rick. They won’t kill off Rick. The whole story rides on him.
Sorry Cersei. Even when dead, Norma still holds tremendous psychological holds over her offspring. When’s the last time you were able to contain your bratty kids?
I mean c’mon. She’s the Supreme. Even if she could be killed by Melly, (although not by fire due to her Pyrokinesis) she can be brought back to life by her one true love (FOXXAY 4 lyfe!) who just happens to have the power of resurgence.
~ Round 4 ~
The lethal Bisexual hailing from the sands of Dorne, Oberyn Martell!
The Red Viper may be very suave and skilled and combat, but he just cannot compete with a 1,000 year old vampire. Unless of course the battle were to be held in Dorne. That particular house of Westeros seems to readily idolize one of Eric’s greatest weaknesses.
I predict the battle will begin at night, and Oberyn will fend Eric off before getting mortally wounded. Eric will have lost track of time trying to kill off Oberyn and burn upon the rising of the sun. Leading to both contestants to win AND lose.
Lannister Golden Boy (see what I did there?) Jaime Lannister.
Resident hottie Schmidt. [New Girl]
Both of these competitors would be neck and neck in a popularity contest, although no one would know why. Both infamously arrogant jerks seem to have a radiating magnetism to them. But this is not a competition for Country Club President, it is a FIGHT TO THE DEATH. And knowing how to fight with a sword (even with a gimpy gold hand) clearly proves an advantage.
~ Round 6 ~
Conniving Geriatric Olenna Tyrell.
Queen of Thorns.
While both are fabulously sharp-tongued and could have an unparalleled verbal fencing match, there is a clear disadvantage here.
You see, the British High-Society folk just cannot turn down a cup of tea. And Queen Olenna seems to love adding extra… surprises… in beverages.
~ Round 7 ~
While both opinionated accent-speaking beauties would have a good go at it, Ygritte would have no problem in hand-to-hand combat and would mercilessly kill anyone who got in her way. (Besides maybe, ‘John Sneauuuu’).
Bran + Hodor.
While there is no denying Finn and Jake’s bravery and impressive battle history against all sorts of scary foes, they just don’t stand a chance against Bran and Hodor. For one, this is Hodor we’re talking about. It has not been confirmed, but he is clearly the frontrunner to win the Iron Throne. And then you have Bran, who is essentially training to be one of the Old Gods. Even if Finn and Jake seem to gain an advantage in the battle, Bran will simply Warg into Jake’s mind, turning him against Finn.
These two Amazonian powerhouses would have a very close-hard fought battle, after first sitting down to enjoy the company of someone who deals with as much crap from peers as the other does. But once Lana decided the fight was dragging on too long, she’d pick out one of her many guns and finish the job, like she always does.
Capitol Hill power-player Frank Underwood. [House of Cards]
Oh boy. This is a very tough one. Both are exceptionally good at using any means necessary (including unsuspecting people) to get what they want and cunningly climb the ladder to rule.
I suppose I’d have to give the slight edge on this to Littlefinger, for I feel he would be slightly more quick to simply murder his foe if he knew he would be a tough competitor.
Theon, by a landslide.
Even if Hannah actually did any sort of damage to Theon, he has clearly shown he can take all sorts of physical abuse and pain and still function. Hannah would self-destruct as soon as she knows she wouldn’t be able to tur her battle experiences in a self-indulgent screenplay.
~ Round 12 ~
Pennsatucky. Even though Joffrey is a terrible excuse for a human being, he is quite cowardly. A match between these two questionably-inbred jerks would be close, all Pennsatucky would need is some misinterpreted sign from God that Joffrey needed to die, and she would stop at nothing to see it done.
~ Round 13 ~
Young Badass Arya Stark.
Clearly the young lady training to be a FREAKING ASSASSIN would have the combative advantage here. But as far as judging the quality each character brings to their respective show, it’d be a pretty even matchup.
The Hound, duh.
Even though I love Ron Swanson for his grumpiness, epic one-liners, and general disdain for everyone else but himself, I love The Hound for all the same reasons. So then we must take into consideration that The Hound is a highly skilled and ruthless killer.
Even though Tywin is a master strategist, I really don’t think he’d fare well against Mr. ‘I-Am-The-Danger’. Walter seems to luck out of so many deadly situations and come out on top. Besides, he has plenty of useful Chemistry tricks up his sleeve.
He puts the ‘IMP’ in ‘PIMP’… Tyrion Lannister.
With an underdog win, Tyrion Lannister.
Even though this would be a battle of wits to go down in history, I feel that Tyrion would somehow come out ahead. I am not sure how, but I feel it would happen. Also, image the outrage if Tyrion were to ever die. If Sherlock were to die, we’d just have to face the wrath of the Cumber-bitches. If Tyrion gets killed off EVERYONE WILL RIOT.
*HINT*HINT*, George R.R. Martin.
I know. You’re probably wondering how I could go against my raging Targaryen Fealty and NOT declare Dany as the unquestionable victor. But the truth is, I really don’t see either matchup being completely wiped out. Sure Dany has an entire Army and friggin’ DRAGONS, but I feel that more and more clones would keep popping up no matter how many she kills. And If she were without her army, guards, or dragons, I feel that Dany wouldn’t stand a chance against some of these ladies, especially Helena.
Also I feel like this guy would throw a stupid love-triangle wrench into the whole deal.
So after many hard fought battles, one side triumphed just a few times more (but it was close). And the winner is…
GAME OF THRONES.
Did you really think this would turn out a different way?
I’m sure plenty of you may disagree with my ruling on this, and may go to lengths to let me know. And I only have this to say about it.