I’m glad I am a Speechie, there’s nothing I’d rather be!

Hello to you all!

I hope this finds you all blessed and in a good place in life.
Scratch that.

I don’t know all of the people reading this, and I’ve never found that statement to hold any significant meaning. Surely you know the type of people who blurt it out all too frequently. The truth of the matter is that doing that loses its sincerity, and states the obvious. Unless you’re a sociopath, or are dealing with sociopaths, you generally do not wish that people won’t be blessed in life. Its really one of those things that goes without saying.

By vocalizing such a thing, (usually tied to a ‘Happy Friday!’ social media post) you may play it under the idea that you clearly want to validate others and wish them blessings, but admittedly there is also a part of you (ranging from tiny to astronomical) that simply wants to be seen well-wishing strangers. Hey I’m guilty of it too, it’s this little thing I’m trying called BEING A HUMAN.

I just want to say here and now that that facade doesn’t work on everyone. I don’t surf my News Feed thinking, “Oh no another post from [horrible person]. I’m so tired of hearing from her, I should really just unfriend her. Oh.. wait!”

TGIF Facebook Fam, peace and blessings, namaste!

“Well, I won’t be unfriending someone so selfless as to make a generic post of a deep-seeded wish for all the happiness/peace life can bring. That is a grade-A person there.” I will be frank in saying that those people NEVER make me feel that way. They actually make me more wary of how insincere they are. Save your blessings for those people or moments closest to your heart, because it will truly feel like a treasure you and those few special people share.

You all should know that everyone you vaguely know is just fine with the idea that you should have a blessed life. I wish that upon you all, as well, although it is really quite pointless to say. If any of you fools still aren’t getting it and need to get some tangible validation, here you go:

Now you may be thinking, “Good God Debbie Downer! I paid for comedy gold, not passive agressive soapbox time! What in blue blazes does this have to do with anything?”

As you can maybe tell, I’m not in the greatest of moods. It is a really infamous time of year known as STILL FUCKING WINTER, where all the little boys and girls start to get a little stir crazy from isolation, extreme cold, and deplorable driving conditions and say a big ‘ol FUCK IT to the gilded sense of changing for the better/goodwill towards all that Christmas/New Years brings.
Then you sprinkle in a highly massive failure of a work move, and a very tragic loss of fictional love that in your mental instability/isolation, you held a little too close to your heart to let go.

Yeah, like that.

And you get the ishy feelings that only belong in Lana Del Rey songs that I have been swimming in for the past few weeks.

Point being, I have found myself in sort of an awkward meh Limbo of sorts. But I do see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Spring will come…

Maybe.

Walking Dead (and other wonderful tv returns!)

Aaaand…. Speech Season begins again.

What is Speech, you may ask? Well… It’s a wonderful extracurricular activity that is centered around students performing various written selections, TL;DR, click here for an explanation.

It is also the topic of this here post, compadre.

Yes. All that stuff you read up there…. just the intro MOFOs!

Okay, okay, first things first. Why have I taken such an interest in a high school event?

Am I hopelessly trying to relive old glory days and missed opportunities?

Do I have some creepy obsession with the lives of awkward teenagers?

I happen to use my experiences of being a former Speechie to judge the meets; which is a culmination of enjoying the work done, offering my critiques of the work, some money, and most importantly, free food.

Now Speech is consisted of 13 categories.

1. Extemporaneous Speaking

•  What it is: Students draw a current event question and have 30 minutes to prepare a speech to answer that question, citing specific examples (ie: the hardest effing category)
• What kinds of people you find there: Either lazy slackers that like winning by default (because barely anyone enters this category) or extraordinarily gifted and prepared young minds. NO HAPPY MEDIUMS HERE.

2. Extemporaneous Reading

• What it is: Students draw a selection from a large book comprised of short stories and poems and have 30 minutes to prepare to read their selection.
• What kinds of people you find there: People who dislike memorization, and who enjoy the pretentious feeling of reading serious art out of a book. (ie: people who wear fake glasses, people who like to seem smart without actually doing much, etc) I was in this category for a year.
  …. Speaks volumes doesn’t it?….

3. Storytelling

• What it is: Students draw a folktale out of a book they receive at the beginning of the season and have 30 minutes to prepare to tell the story in an animated and engaged way, without the book.
• What kinds of people you find there: Students who like kids, Disney movies, and teaching lessons while remaining ‘fun’.
  
  (ie: The Frizz is your friggin’ idol.)

Now you may have noticed the repetitive use of ‘draw’ and ’30 minutes’, or you may have ignored that because I’m a pretty flawed writer that tends to repeat myself quite a bit. But this time it was intentional. Those categories were all “draw categories”.

4. Discussion

• What it is: I really don’t know the specifics, but I believe a group of students sit around a table and discuss a current event topic picked at the beginning of the season. The students have to cite specific sources, etc. Sorta like Extemp Speaking, except the tournament holders are forcing the awkward dorks that like that sort of thing to interact/feed off of each other. (I say these insults with love, kids.)
• What sort of people you find there: People who join Speech with the common misconception that is is Debate, people who employ the use of various thought-enhancing gestures (ie: pantomiming peeling a banana), people who are terrified of actually having to speak in front of people alone, people who hate to stand, people who love that they can call their category Disco, and reap the benefits of all the cool puns that spark.
  
  

5.  Great Speeches

• What it is: Students take a famous speech from history and perform it, while also taking time to describe an analysis of the speech.
• What sorts of people you find there:
  
  (ie: Leslie Knope)

6. Serious Prose

• What it is: The student performs a selection from a book, short story, that is serious in nature.
• What kinds of people you find there: Isolated loners, intelligent book-lovers, disillusioned old-souls, total kill-joys, and a few very talented actors, cat lovers, people who began drinking coffee at age 11.

7. Serious Drama

• What it is: The student performs a selection from a play that is serious in nature. (ie: pretty much the same thing as Prose)
• What kinds of people you find there: Same thing as Prose, but with more chicks, and people who have a zeal for multiple characters/voices.

8. Serious Poetry

• What it is: The student performs a selection from a poem/series of poems that are serious in nature.
• What kinds of people you find there: Kids that refuse to acknowledge that the emo-generation is passed, ‘writers’, kids who get more pumped at going to a poetry slam than a concert, kids who have not only had their first coffee by age 11, but their first scotch and cigarettes by age 13, girls (and sometimes guys… no judgy!) that look like Lorde in both dress and presentation gestures.
  

9. Informative

• What it is: The student presents a self-written speech on a topic. The use of visual aids is allowed.
• What kinds of people you find there: Kids who think they’re quite interesting but don’t always gather that the opposite may be true, truly interesting and dynamic individuals who provide new insights, kids who enjoy pointing at things, kids that need the slight boost of courage in the form of a tripod of construction paper diagrams, smart kids who look up to Bill Nye.
  
  (I just called all of you smart. Who wouldn’t look up to such a charming fellow?)

10. Original Oratory

• What it is: The student picks a topic of division, and attempts to persuade the audience to one side of the issue using a self-written speech with source citation.
• What kinds of people you find there: Pushy people, people who enjoy playing devils advocate, people who join Speech with the misguided notion that they are joining Debate, people you usually have considered hiding from your Facebook feed, thoughtful people who have a strong sense of well-founded conviction and wisdom beyond their years (or as they’re known in the high school realm: unicorns).

11. Humorous

• What it is: The student performs a selection from a play, short story, or book that is humorous in nature.
• What kinds of people you find there: kids who think they’re funny, kids who enjoy impressions, kids who are unnaturally energetic, kids with the misguided sense that they are joining the ‘least-crazy’ category (when debatably, the opposite is true), highly competitive kids (ie: people who refuse to laugh at a competitor no matter how funny their speech may be, creating a suffocating blanket of silent intimidation for the competitor).
  

12. Dramatic Duo

• What it is: The only category students can have another person to perform with. Selections can be from humorous or serious plays, short stories, or books.
• What kinds of people you find there: the kinds of people who cannot part from their bff/bro, people who don’t necessarily care about winning but just having a good time, people slightly less awkward than the rest of the category speakers, people with a fear of speaking alone.

And finally,

13. Creative Expression

• What it is: A self-written speech that can either be humorous or serious in nature.
• What kinds of people you find there: ‘writers’, real writers, truly terrifying people (ie: kids who perform eerily specific selections on serial killers), kids that just wanna be themselves and arrogantly thinks the already published works of celebrated authors cannot possibly capture the complexities that enter their 15-year-old brain (ie: every high schooler), extremely depressed yet snarkily sarcastic kids, recluses that show a hidden ability to amuse a crowd after dragging them out of isolation kicking and screaming.I was in this category as well.

I learned so many wonderful things from my time in Speech, probably the most important lessons were how to talk to walls and how to execute proper Conclusion